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Writing Sample 2

The most effective way to solve the current traffic and pollution problems in cities is to encourage people to move from the city center into the suburbs or the countryside. To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Ever since the era of civilization has begun, the proliferation of population, pollution, and vehicular congestion is not an uncommon sight in urban areas. In fact, these three go hand in hand. This essay discusses how relocating people from cities to the outlying areas will not significantly serve the purpose of combating air pollution and traffic problems.


Irrefutably, people are inclined towards urban jungles for umpteen of valid reasons. Cities are the hub of employment, education, and better health facilities. Additionally, there are countless recreational opportunities with superior infrastructure in the form of clubs, discotheques, gymnastics, and shopping centers which attracts attract a large number of visitors daily to these concrete jungles. (Coherence is completely missing here ) So just shifting them to suburbs will not decrease the influx from the countryside to urban areas ( run on sentence error ). After all, they cannot accomplish their requirements in the countryside. Therefore, whether people are dwelling in cities or not, but their everyday visits will remain the same. Ultimately, all these factors, by and large, contribute to vehicular congestion on roads and emissions at the same rate.


(It is unnecessarily stretched. Vocab and sentences are correct but not making much sense.)


However, on the other front moving people from developed to rural parts can make a positive impact on the environment in case of construction activities and garbage production. Since it will require lesser accommodation such as apartments or homes in cities for inhabitants, moreover a lesser number of people produce a lesser amount of garbage or landfills. Both these factors result in lower particulate matter and AQI (Air quality index). But, traffic issues remain unaffected with less construction and garbage.


All and all, it is discerned that the problem of filthy air can be curbed to some extent by relocating inhabitants to suburbs whilst, a continuous surge in vehicles on roads cannot be inhibited with the same method. Rather, finding better solutions to these burning issues is the need of the hour.


(red font colour is mistakes/ suggestions. Match background colour )


(Jungles word seems very inappropriate here )


Intro, Conclusion and vocab are very good.Need to work on coherence and cohesion